In many ways it’s been easy coming home, I truly am incredibly blessed. Friends and a family who mean the world to me welcomed me home, two of my closest friends from my trip live close by, I simply adore my church and of course it is so great living next to the mountains once again. Yet I am not going to lie, being home is also a lot harder then I imagined. As I sit here on my bed, coffee beside me and bible in front of me, I feel as if I am constantly fighting the multiple strings that are tugging at my heart.
There are days when my heart feels as if it will never actually find a place to settle down and call home. Since returning home I feel like I am fluttering through life, never actually landing. Afraid to truly grow roots, afraid of commitment and terrified of being uprooted again.
Since returning home, my heart aches to go back to Australia, a time of seeking God, digging deep, finding healing and investing in others lives. A time where my day was devoted to growing, loving deeper and thriving in ways I didn’t even know where possible. I miss Perth, the people, the ocean and the way life seemed to slow down as I pursued freedom and healing.
Then a piece of my heart is in Thailand, the land of smiles, which in reality is a place filled with brokenness and smiles that have been passed down from generation to generation, holding little to none genuine happiness. My heartaches for those I met, and the brokenness that comes from a place of devotion to idols. I miss the street kids, putting on programs in churches, the people who hosted us, and the simple way the people live.
Then there is Myanmar, a place most people have never heard of, yet God sent me there because he loves and pursues the people and the nation. I quickly fell in love with the nation, the culture and the people. When I think back to that time, I remember the hard times as well as the way God swept away language barriers in order to pursue one heart. Or the time I stood in front of a statue of buddha in a monastery and shared just a piece of the way God has changed my life and fulfilled my dreams as this group of kids listened and drew pictures of the dreams they have. I remember the days I wanted to come home, because I was so worn out spiritually, mentally and physically. Yet I also remember walking through the crowded streets, handing out roses and telling people that Jesus loves them unconditionally, not realizing I was giving away more then just roses, but small pieces of my heart as my love for God and the lost and broken continued to bloom in my heart.
I still have a hard time comprehending all that happened over the past six months, and at times I feel like it was simply a dream. Yet God is faithful and He helps me along the way. He holds me when I cry and walks me through the process of growing new roots and figuring out how to grow and thrive in the life He has placed in front of me.
Yesterday at church, my pastor made the comment, “ courage is learning to face the things we fear in the grace of God”. In that simple statement God softened my heart as He whispered to me, it takes courage to live and thrive where I have planted you, but my grace is always enough. I am going to give you visions and promises; I am going to break your heart for the lost and broken. But don’t place those things above living with me and loving the day in front of you. I need you to choose to live and thrive here and now with an undivided heart. Don’t be afraid to let your heart settle, seek me first and I will do the rest.
Bloom. Thrive. Love. Find Freedom and plant joy.
Embrace this season with an undivided heart. Love this season and run after the freedom I have already given you. Don’t hide behind insecurities, fears and doubts. Your freedom is right here in front of you, it is simply a choice. Don’t be afraid to let go, don’t run away from what I am doing in your heart. I promise the pain will be worth it. You have a choice to either embrace my love and what I am doing here and now, or you can choose to run away and try and find fulfillment elsewhere.
I am discovering that the secret to being content or happy isn’t found in people or places, but in loving Jesus with an undivided heart… because only then can He fill me with His love for this season and His joy for the everyday. This is not always easy, but then again God never promised it would be easy, He has simply promised to provide grace for every season. It is our decision whether we will choose to walk in His grace; embracing whatever season of life He has us in. I am learning that serving and loving God is not dependent upon location or who surrounds me because in all seasons and all places we serve the same God.