I am sitting here, flying on a plane to australia. No big deal right? Except wait, what is life? Well life is pretty dang amazing, thats for sure! I have cried a lot today, saying goodbye to my parents and then my two little sisters and best friend at the airport was all i needed to break down. Why are goodbyes so hard? Well perhaps its because i am an emotional person and maybe a little bit of a drama queen or because i am not experienced at saying them. Or perhaps because I dont know how to love lightly, and my friends and family are the most precious thing to me. Flipping through this journal my friends and family signed for me, reminds me of how loved I am and that no matter where I am I have a huge support system. Man, I might as well just give in and cry the whole way to australia.
I shut the journal, sealing all those memories and sweet words for later encouragment. Time to write down my feelings and process it all a little bit, i pick up my new journal which is covered in purple flowers and oh it makes me so happy. To say I am overwhelmed by God is an understatment. Honestly, I cannot even begin to explain how loved I feel today. Through the tears, i have come to realize that I have so many dear friends, and life is good. Its crazy how God knows I am struggling to say goodbyes, so He keeps reminding that He loves me even more. I do not understand how one could not be overwhelmed, brought to their knees in awe of Jesus. His love for us, His passionate pursuit of us, the way he gently guides us along.
If I look back on my life over the past year, I honestlly cannot believe the change He has brought in my life. I mean i am flying to australia for six months, and leaving such an incredible community of friends and family. Last year, I barely had any friends, didnt have a church home and had no plan for my life. If you had told me a year ago that i would be right here on a plane going to australia I would have laughed at you and retreated to my room where i could journal in peace. That sounds like a perfect evening for the old me, the slightly awkward introvert who was afraid to talk to people. I mean the fact that now I literally talk to every person I see and am more an extrovert is proof that God has done a little something. ( also for those of you who go places with me, i apologize that I have to become best friends with every person and love asking every person how their day is and for their life story)
I am going to be honest for a moment though. I had a meltdown a couple days ago. Leaving home is terrifying, saying goodbyes even scarier. Add that to being gone for six months and starting a new chapter in life. Yeah, that definetley sounds like a good reason to panic. I felt so unprepared, i began to question why God was calling me to go. I felt so little and tiny compared to Gods glory and splendor. And a few minutes ago, sittting on this plane, the same anxiety started coming back. So i took it to God, and I have to share with you what He told me. Hopefully it encourages you as much as it did me.
Its okay to be scared. You have to realize, it is a good thing. It means you are seeking me and pursuing what I have even when everything in you says run away. Yet, i want you to know, I am greater then this fear, and I am always with you. Listen dear one, you are ready. I have been preparing you and will continue to preaper you. I am not expecting perfection, nor will I ever. I am not expecting you to be fearless, but amidst your fears you must seek me and run to me with them. You are human, it is okay to sometimes admit that you are not ready, you are not equipped and that you are scared. Yet I have come to set you free. So walk in freedom, let love and joy overflow from you and be a light to everybody. That is what I want from you. Love, unending love. Love is strong enough to conquer your fears.
So dear friends, be encouraged. God has got your back, and he is paving a path for you. It might get a little rocky, unexpected turns will throw you off and sometimes the end will seem unattainable. Dont be afraid little one, step out in faith. Trust God fully and you will never be dissapointed. The greatest adventure of your life is saying yes to God, packing your bags and walking with Him no matter where he takes you. I promise you, He is truly worth it.
I will be posting more I am sure once I arrive in australia. Never forget to smile, and to take time to enjoy the beautiful day in front of you. Until next time.
P.S. I decided since the theme for my life this upcoming year is love always, i want to end each blog post that way to remind you that God loves you and that love always wins.