Chaos. Fear entangled around the very space that is intended to be filled with beauty and love. The way your heart stands conflicted, unable to tell the difference between the light and dark.
Excuses. The barrier between growth and where we find our feet planted. The opportunity for fear to creep in and begin to uproot the truth that has begun to find a home.
Hesitation. The small crack that soon becomes the opportunity for complacency to entangle and choke the purpose within your heart. The moment of silence that creates room for lies to be planted and for weeds to choke out the flowers that have started to grow.
Space. The very thing our hearts crave yet so often fight because it is easier to fill our lives to the brim instead of facing the scars within. It often feels like uprooting and trying to find a home amongst the chaos that stirs within.
Sometimes it takes courage to speak up, to be bold in breaking the silence and to embrace the chaos in order to create space for peace to grow and thrive. For we were never meant to leave the pieces of our past untouched and hidden behind the lies that convinced us to bury them in the first place. Sometimes the biggest lie we believe about ourselves is that we are not capable of change and our voices aren’t worthy of being heard.
Sometimes we get caught up in pursuing growth or the end destination and we forget to take a moment to look at where we are at in this journey. It is hard to be honest with ourselves because sometimes life is messy and we find ourselves amidst storms that are fueled by depression or anxiety. It is hard to look within and to love where you are at because if we are honest it is easy to fall in love with ideas and pictures of how life should be. It is easy to let comparison turn into fear and for fear to begin uprooting and destroying any beauty that had finally found a home. It is easy to look at other people’s lives or their current season and see beautiful thriving flowers and to feel discouraged because you feel like you are just a small seed; inadequate and unworthy of the life you have created in your head.
It is easy to want to rush through things, to pick up your feet and walk faster towards the end destination. Yet how beautiful is it to sit down for a moment and to realize that where you are is okay and that growth has already begun to create space amongst the chaos for beautiful flowers to grow in your heart.
How beautiful to look at yourself and to see that you are brave and you are being molded and shaped into something better because God loves you and only wants what is best for you.
This year I have so often found myself overwhelmed by the busyness and chaos of life and as a result I become introspective and critical of myself. I get caught up in the expectation of growth, wanting to bloom and to thrive where I am at.
Yet I am constantly feeling disappointed because if I am honest, this is not the life I had envisioned for myself. For a long time I was stubborn in thinking I would never have a Monday-Friday job and that all I wanted was to love people and to do big grand things with my life. Yet what I didn’t realize was that I have been holding onto things to tightly, stubborn in thinking I can cause a seed to bloom into a flower. Stubborn in thinking that this is just a season and soon I will be done and onto something better or more fulfilling.
Yet the thing I am realizing is that flowers cannot grow if they are not given space, because space is actually what brings growth and allows God to move and for freedom to be the gentle breeze that brings nourishment and growth. The thing is, sometimes letting go isn’t easy and in our stubbornness we choose to harden our hearts as we try to spark growth and hold onto the hope of tomorrow being better then today.
Yet only when I learn to let go and stand with arms open do I realize that I was stifling the growth by trying to force flowers to bloom amongst the chaos in my heart. And the thing about God is that he never rushes the process and promises to always bring growth and healing, but we have to be willing to create space for him to work. His promise is that even amidst the chaos He is still good and his love will faithfully create space for our hearts to thrive.