Last week was rough.
I had been feeling more sick than usual and pretty discouraged with not having answers. I was trying some dietary changes that initially seemed they would help narrow down the answers, or at least leave me feeling better.
Yet I felt worse. I spent a few nights allowing it to get to me, complaining Ricky and letting discouragement take root. Yet he was so patient with me, and simply prayed for me and loved me amidst my grumpy attitude.
Every time I prayed though, I just felt God saying the phrase “ and still we hope”.
I found myself challenged in my perspective and outlook. A lot of times I was finding it easier to choose hopelessness, embracing that I feel sick more days than not.
I knew deep down that the hope was there; I just had to look for it. So I started to pray to see the hope, to see God amidst my trials and not just in the answers I was seeking.
I prayed to see hope in the shadows, in the places where it seems hidden.
I prayed to see it in the mundane and ordinary, and in the people around me.
And today God showed up, as he always does and reminded me of that hope.
Driving to work this morning it was extremely foggy. The sun barely finding space to cast its early morning rays. I drove along, slowly and carefully, aware that my visibility was low. It was a little eerie yet also captivating and intriguing. I was only able to see the faint outlines of the taillights in front of me or the occasional headlights shining back at me.
Yet as I rounded a corner, it was as if the sun had drawn a line in the road, forbidding the fog to cross its boundary.
And just like that, hope finds a way to lift the fog, the depression, and the weight of all our worries.
It was the reminder I needed that hope is present, that in just a moment it can find its way into our lives.
And still we hope, even when our circumstances say that the light will never break through. Even when we only see the next ten steps, and anything past that is confusion and disorder. We place our hope in the His unfailing love.
I got to work this morning, dwelling on and thinking about hope and the power of Gods love in our lives. And I told God that regardless of what would come I was going to choose hope, to choose to plant my roots deep in the trust that He is good.
And later that morning, I got a text from my doctor. One that was full of hope and good news. After so long of wondering why I don’t feel good, she told me that my test for something called SIBO (Small intestinal bacteria overgrowth) had come back positive. That with some dietary changes and supplements, I should start to feel a lot better because it is at least one thing playing a big part of all my stomach and health issues.
So for all of you who have prayed for me and helped me along in this journey, thank you! I will keep you updated on how it all plays out as I am still learning about what it is and how to treat it -but for now I am extremely grateful and humbled to have an answer and a direction to go in.
And still, we hope. “ For those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint” – Isaiah 40:31