I’m learning that It is okay to waver, to stand on the shore of uncertainty and doubt.
To let the water wash up over and over again, the rythym of have echoing the beat of your heart.
It is okay to feel the weight of the moment, the fear of letting go of what is familiar and the excitement of what is to come. The strange place between where you’ve been and where you want to go.
But don’t set up camp there, for it isn’t your home and your purpose is greater than the voice of fear. You aren’t meant to stay in that place of chaos and longing.
It is funny to me that a few years ago the thing I despised the most was consistency and routine. I thrived off of having the ability to uproot whenever and wherever God called me. I loved the way my days all blurred together and that I was always meeting new people and seeing new places.
Yet as necessary as that time was, the last couple years of my life have been the exact opposite. And I’ve found that I’ve grown to love the routine and structure in my life. I’ve become a more disciplined person . It’s been refreshing to have so many consistencies in my life during a season filled with emotional growth and healing.
These past couple years I’ve began to learn that growth and change come from staying rooted and facing the hard things.
That if you run away, all your past hurts and heartaches will follow.
I’ve learned thIs last year that it is necessary to put in the hard work regardless of what anybody tells you. Regardless of how many days are spent crying or feeing alone- you will come out victorious.
I’ve learned that only I can make the choice to work through my past and only I have control of my future.
So often I used to do things out of fear- and I still do sometimes but I’m finding myself more and more equipped to make decisions out of love and hope. I’ve also learned that counseling is extremely beneficial.
I am slowly but surely beginning to find my voice of courage, the ability to look at hard things as an opportunity for growth rather than a reason to run in fear.
It takes time to learn how to fight for yourself and how to embrace your fears instead of letting them consume you.
You are made to be free, to thrive, to grow and to bloom.
So don’t let fear pause your growth or stifle your purpose. Step forward even if your feet are shaking. Open your heart again to feeling alive and full of love.
For me this year that looks like making two big life changes- accepting a new job position as a preschool teacher at the YMCA as well as moving to a new house in Loveland. Both are scary and full of unknowns. Leaving my current job has been a tough decision to make because the people there have become family to me. The people I work with, the parents, all my little kiddos – they’ve all stolen a piece of my heart. I’ve been truly blessed to work at kids haven for almost 3 years now!
Yet I can say with full confidence that I know growth will come through all the tears and
For growth comes through embracing challenges and change- grieving what you need too but looking forward with hope and expectancy.
So here’s to another year of growth and discovering more of God’s love.