Lately I feel as if I am floating between seasons, my feet are unsure of where they are supposed to go. I am watching the fall leaves slowly dance to the ground. The weather has a subtle boldness to it as if it is refusing to fully let the cold air push its way in. I find myself mesmerized with the way fall is effortlessly fighting to hang onto these last few sunny days, yet no matter how much I want fall to last I know that seasons come and go quickly. One day you wake up to the beautiful crisp air and a world that is marked by color that loves to show off its beauty. The next you find yourself curled up in a blanket watching the snow slowly fall down, the warmth of your coffee slowly finding its way through your body. Both seasons have so much beauty, yet how often do we miss out on it because we find ourselves playing the comparison game or wishing we had something else. How often do we grab a hold of the season in front of us, willing it to stay just a little longer instead of embracing the beauty in change and new beginnings?
There is a part of me that feels stuck in the past, lost in the reminiscing and discontent to not be living a life of travel and adventure. The last season has been one of plane rides to three new continents, new friends, culture shock and new beginnings. A year marked by my heart becoming free as I gained a new depth and realization to my intrinsic value and the joy of walking in boldness and freedom.
It has also been one of the hardest seasons in my life. For to be rebuilt and purified so often means walls built on foundations of fear and insecurities must come tumbling to the ground. I was stripped down, pushed out of my comfort zone and then slowly but surely God began to breathe life into my heart and flowers began to grow. It was a painful season at times, yet God is always faithful to meet us in our brokenness and He is gentle and kind with our hearts. For there is nothing we surrender that He won’t give back in abundance, we just have to be willing to let go.
Yet to let go is so much easier said then done. Which is partially why it is hard to embrace this new season in life, one that requires my feet to be planted and my wandering heart to settle into calling one place home. I am learning though that only when I stop comparing this season to my last one is when I can truly see the unique beauty in it and that Gods heart for me never changes. It is okay for some seasons to be less busy and sometimes the growth comes in learning to just be, returning to the simplicity of the love that has transformed my life and set me free.
I didn’t realize that I was always pursuing growth and wondering what else I could surrender. I had become consumed with the idea that I would never become complacent. I wanted everything in my life to be marked by my pursuit of growth and I was afraid of planting my feet in one place because God always has more and I intended to fully step into it. I was always asking myself what I could do, what I could surrender or how I could go deeper or love better.
Yet I didn’t realize in my pursuit of depth and my heart for growth I was missing out on the beauty of how far I had come. I wasn’t appreciating the freedom that I had already won and was discontent because I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Yet last Sunday I found myself completely wrecked when a friend of mine reminded me that God is so proud of me where I am. That I need to stop and celebrate this season because I have changed, I am a new person and God loves seeing me thrive in my identity. His heart for me is to return to simplicity.
Oh how thankful I am for seasons and the way God walks us through surrender and even isolation in order to bring growth and freedom. Yet I don’t want to miss out on what is right in front of me because there is so much beauty in stillness and it is okay to take time to reflect on His faithfulness and to let Love take root. I am reminding myself to appreciate the flowers in front of me and to allow joy and love to bring me back to simplicity. We serve a loving and kind God who wants to bless us and remind us that things don’t always have to be hard and we don’t always have to be searching for something to give up.
It is time to start embracing how far we have come and the faithfulness of Gods love in our life. It is okay to simply enjoy a season of fruitfulness and simplicity, for is God ever disappointed with a flower at any stage in its growth?
To be captivated by love is to let go of the expectations the world places on you and to allow new life to flow through your heart. For God is not concerned with the end goal or destination. He is simply after your heart and the journey you are on. Don’t allow the process to become the priority; joy isn’t something He withholds from those who love His presence. It is so much simpler then we realize. Love is both the guiding light and the spring in our steps.
When did self-doubt become normal? I am realizing that life is meant to be so much more then just the pursuit of what is fulfilling, for happiness will never take the place of growing roots and establishing ourselves in love. I am slowly learning that the process is beauty laced with hardships, but that is okay. Often times our heart feels as if it’s dangling between the hope to come and embracing our purpose of the season in front of us.
Which is why we must learn to stand our ground and to be okay with the time it takes to grow deep roots. Don’t be afraid of the quiet seasons, for every season holds a purpose and sometimes refreshment is what your soul is craving. In every season He is faithful to pursue you and meet you where you are at. So embrace the sunlight and the rain alike, for both are necessary to bring growth. Life was never intended to fit into a formula, the beauty in it is that we aren’t the ones who control growth and God is the one who knows what we need in order to truly thrive.