I have always felt my heart was slowly unraveling, for the truth is we are all searching for something. Perhaps we are searching for a place to call home, a purpose that fuels our every breath, soil to grow roots in. Yet we are unfaithful lovers, afraid of commitment we dance with the very things that poison our hearts until they become unrecognizable. For something so fragile and intricately beautiful can only handle so many tears before it slowly finds its home within other hearts or mundane and worthless things. Gasping for air, unable to breath, stuttering, slowly fading into darkness.
We walk on a balance beam, one foot swaying in the wind, the other slowly loosing its grip. Searching for love yet afraid of growing roots, we will never truly find happiness in the pursuit of others and things meant to temporarily fulfill us. We are taught to be independent, to take pride in our uniqueness and individuality. Yet our scars are covered up and we hide behind labels. When did authenticity become an end destination instead of being a process of growth and freedom taking root?
We talk about freedom and our hearts ache because they are bound in chains. With every day that passes we find ourselves slowly dragging our feet and settling for the life that is placed in front of us. Going through the motions and comfortable in our routine, our dreams become buried beneath layers of dirt and soil. There is no hope of blooming.
We settle for just existing.
Complacency becomes the stale air that we inhale and soon all the beauty within us becomes hidden as we isolate ourselves. We choose to plant ourselves in the middle of a desert where our heart reflects the season of drought and we soon stop praying for rain. The cracks become normal and our dreams are silenced by the oppression of a world that chooses to chain you to the ground by shoving you into a neat and tidy box. Our skin becomes engraved with statistics, simply another number. One more heart that solemnly beats in time with those around us, success is measured by what can be seen and whether or not you portray your life as being put together.
Yet we were never made to be bound by lies and hidden behind insecurities, defined by the scars that have etched themselves into our skin and become rough edges and walls to hide behind. We were never made to settle for a life where negativity and self-abuse are the very alarm clocks that wake us from our sleep. We were never made to be broken hearts that are sown together piece by piece.
Why do we settle for the drought when our hearts were made to come alive as we dance freely in the rain? Perhaps the very drought you are in is simply soil that is being prepared for a season of abundant rain and fields of flowers. Where you see cracks and emptiness, God sees only potential for beauty to spring up.
Deep down, there is a beauty within you that is waiting to bloom. A small spark of hope, a dream that you have never dared to share, a purpose and freedom on the horizon. There is a love within you that has never left your side. A love that perhaps has been buried and silenced by the waves of self-doubt and depression. Its gentle pull is drowned out by the sound of the unkind words you speak to yourself. Yet no matter how far gone you feel or how much you hate the reflection staring back at you, this love goes deeper still.
No matter how far you try and run, this love will always find you and embrace every scar, every flaw. It is a love that cannot be comprehended. It is found in the gentle way the ocean kisses the shore without stopping for even a moment. It is found in the way darkness fades behind the light of the stars that refuse to be silenced. It is the small flower that refuses to give up hope, even when the wind is convinced it will be victorious.
It is the long awaited reunion between friends who have a flourishing friendship even with the distance between them. It is a love that is found in the way your heart stops beating the first times you hold hands with someone that has slowly begun to win over your heart. It is standing still holding a three year old in your arms as the last rays of sunlight cascade across their small freckled cheeks. Perhaps it is the tears cried over a broken world that neglects to take care of the small children who are more familiar with abuse and neglect then they are love.
It’s the 6 am flights and laughing until your stomach hurts. It’s the way you get protective of those you love and the gentleness of a God who pursues you even when you push Him away. Its writing page after page in your journal as the thoughts wage war in your mind and you cant seem to make sense of the emotions tugging on your heart. It is embracing the cracks in your heart and the journey you’ve traveled because the reality is, you can’t feel love until you’ve felt loneliness and you wont appreciate true light and beauty unless you’ve been through dark nights.
Some days I am so overwhelmed by Gods love that all I can do is sit in awe of a love that is so much deeper and stronger then I can comprehend. A love that is truly invested in us and committed to our growth and the process of blooming. A love that isn’t consumed with the end destination, but wants to experience this journey and to do life side by side. The beauty to be found in this relentless love is that it always wins.